Captivate, The Science of Succeeding with People by Vanessa Van Edwards

"Hi, my name is Vanessa, and I'm a recovering awkward person." Introduction, Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards

QUICK SYNOPSIS

Vanessa Van Edwards has been watching, documenting, and experimenting with social cues for years on her blog, the Science of People. She now brings several studies done by her team, herself, and others into a cohesive and entertaining book about how to win with others. Van Edwards covers topics such as mingling at business and social events, where to stand to engage others at said events, and how to read other people's emotional and body cues to understand them better.

INITIAL THOUGHTS

From the first line in the introduction I was hooked! I was introduced to Vanessa Van Edwards through Chase Jarvis' interviews on YouTube and have since seen her on several of my other favorite interview podcast/YouTube channels. Every time I see her in an interview Vanessa Van Edwards has something interesting to say (conversational sparks), and something that I can easily attempt to try at my next social engagement. Recently, she has also started discussing how to behave better online and captivate that way as well.

Captivate, the book, is no different. Vanessa Van Edwards is sincere, honest, and brave with some of her shares. I love how nerdy she gets with her research, and even though I read a lot of the same studies done by professors and other professionals in Malcolm Gladwell books, Vanessa puts a slightly different spin on things. Her writing is upbeat, and feels conversational. I've read this book twice now (once earlier this year, and once again getting ready for this post and my book chat online), and every time I look at my husband and say "You really need to read this."

SOMETHING SURPRISING

So many things. Vanessa Van Edwards really breaks down the social aspect of people, including ourselves, and gives you insights that you've probably just been ignoring or missing. One of the most interesting surprises from the book was the idea that emotions are infectious. When I used to take portraits I would see this all the time with a fake smile. A real smile lights up your eyes, you get an eye crinkle. If you don't have that eye crinkle, then it's a fake smile. Why does it matter? Because if you're fake smiling at others it either turns them off to you or makes you unremarkable. If you genuinely smile at someone, it is infectious. They get a jolt in their brain that says, this person likes me, I like them too. Add onto that, a conversational spark (covered in the book), and you're off to the races for being memorable and likeable.

STILL THINKING ABOUT

Chapters 7-10 were quite shocking to me. They deal with cracking someone else's personality, understanding your own personality, and how to show value and appreciation to others. I used to think that sending thank you notes and saying thank you was enough. Not true. Depending on how others like to receive praise and thanks it might be meaningless to them. When I would hear comments like that before I would just think people were being rude or over the top. Now I'm completely sold. My husband and I had a LONG conversation about how we like to show appreciation and how we like to be shown appreciation. Let's just say it was a huge eye opener for us. It is also something that we are both still working on.

MY FAVORITE PART

I normally wouldn't say this, but the whole book is amazing. If you skip a chapter you are selling this book short. Even if you're not in the professional world (raising hand) there are still so many interesting things to read about and discuss with others. Plus, if you're on a school board, parent committee, or speak with others this book helps. It doesn't have to be "professional" situations. This book is all about connecting with people and making sure that you are heard and you are hearing others. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to speak up in meetings, or family gatherings, and it seems like no one is listening. I've also been that wallflower before (sort of still am) and this book gives you goals to work towards that are achievable and easy to swallow. Basically, it makes being an interesting person seem less scary/impossible/hard and more doable. Vanessa's last chapters are all about empowering you to be the fabulous interesting person you already are. Truly, if you've ever felt unseen or unheard before, just buy it and give it a go.